i was born no idea of my first cry but they say i did. life should be promising and full of of hope. mine is another story all together. the people who were supposed to cater for me never followed the rules. they never cared they were ignorant. now here i am slowly growing and maturing understanding where i fit in the society. i am an outcast of a crime i know nothing of . as i grow older every one will be pointing fingers at me. they don’t care, they don’t know my story they know nothing but the brave smile i put on my face. in my room i sit silently and go on my knees for his grace that’s what keeps me moving. i rarely think of the monster living inside of me and when i do i am scared of death. i see people and children my age playing and free from medicines but i have no choice the med’s have become my daily prayer apart from the lords prayer. my heart goes out to every baby who does not know what love is. every child whose world seems dark. there is light at the very end of the tunnel. for every child who is stuck to this nightmare of HIV/aids. the child who cant figure out what to do or who to turn to. under the snare of this menace they live, they breath, they put on a humble smile. a smile that is deeper than their wounds, a smile that is deeper than the hate and scorn. they live,survive putting it on until the candle int heir hearts and souls goes off. if i had a chance a way no child would have to go through this. i salute our first lady for the zero campaign she is an angel. so parents young teens lets be the angels in this children’s lives before their light goes off let them feel the love, the care and restore hope in them.
my tears meant nothing to you. you brought to me to this world but now you turn against me. why? i am only a little child i understand your yelling and aggressivenes towards me. my heart is torn, broken unprotected. the one person who should cover me has exposed me to dangers. in the night you keep out cold and hungry. i am only a child who deserves nothing but love and care. you have turned your back on me. you lift your hands to hurt me and raise your voice to call me names. my eyes are swollen, my voice lost out of crying. with no fear you lash huge Cains on my small body. you spend more time gossiping other than caring for me. you laugh with them and laugh at me, you have forgotten i am your child i need you to need me. don’t watch my tears anymore wipe them. let me feel loved by you mum. this goes out to all the children who face the inhumanity of their parents. those who know of love, care, attention, protection, this goes out to every children hurting , every child in pain. it will be well. your tears are precious. you are more than a blessed child. let us spread the message of love and hope to this children.
i carried, i loved, i felt every moment there was to feel. the love was great. the feeling was worth every shred of my effort. then all was lost in a flash. my hope , my happiness all was gone. i became a brand , a brand that was empty , broken shaken and lost. my world had crumbled at my feet. all they saw was the sin, the mistake, they cursed they never knew they don’t know what i went through. in one voice they judged me, they laughed, it was never my fault. if i had the choice i would have saved her life. if i knew how i would have done everything possible to save her. they did all they could but she was never to come. i would not see her smile, feel her little hands on me, see her smile. it happened, all of it. i live in fear of losing yet another baby, but the society thinks all i do is abort thats why i am childless. i don’t know what the future holds. i would be happy to breastfeed but my fear is deeper than the well. they laugh and gossip they know nothing. bravely i put a smile on my face but my soul is bleeding every time a child passes by i see the image of my daughter. my child who would have been. they turned my tears into my shame. heartbroken and defenseless is what i have become. they judge every woman who is childless, every single mother, they don’t know their pain, their struggle, their loss. they don’t understand what goes on, what went wrong. it was never their fault or their mistake. their pain and tears were all wrapped up in one, a shame. behind every woman’s smile there is strength, love, tears, joy, survival and scars that need to heal. so be slow to judge or shame them because you know nothing.
its not what you are but who you are that makes the difference. people don’t judge you for what but for who. character is of essence and so is time. find yourself and find growth, love and peace.
it is the joy of every mother when they have successfully pushed their baby to this world and hear the first cry. it is a feeling that no one can explain. but what happens when baby stops crying and the mother taken to her ward assured of her baby’s health and well being only to be told later on that her baby is no more? the pain and confusion that engulfs the mother is similar or worse than her labor pain. how doe a baby go from being fine to lifeless? it is the dream of every mother to hold her baby in her arms and be the first one to kiss it and say the first words of love and wisdom. the dreams every parent has held out for her baby in a matter of seconds they all come crashing. do this babies really die or what goes on. because we have heard of sold babies. every mother thinks to her self my baby was going to be the best there as. all the words of love and knowledge she would impart in her baby and it all goes to the sub conscious mind because its just a dream that died before progress. i applaud the first lady of Kenya for the beyond zero campaign which has seen more mothers happy and live the dream. but for the life that was alive only in the womb that never happened what happens? the small baby running around, smiling, crying, talking booboo talk and the small tiny hug from the most precious and purest love/
so today i go through the daily nation a kenyan daily and i was rudely shocked by one feature story.the headline reads ” YOUNG GIRLS AT THE MERCY OF SEX PESTS AS FAMILIES INSIST ON PROTECTING DIGNITY OF THE MOLESTERS.’ as i go on reading the first story is that of a young girl who is only 8 years old and her innocence and world crumbled down courtesy of her blood uncle. he would defile the girl repeatedly until her body couldn’t take it anymore. she was threatened to never tell anyone but her poor health screamed out to everyone who had eyes that something was totally wrong with her. her grandmother noticed it and assured the little girl of protection where she confessed what was going on. the girl was taken to hospital and sadly she was already infected with HIV and syphilis. this is her uncle someone she could call father but he chose to darken her life. my heart is in pain for the girl but my mind can not comprehend what kind of traditions are we holding on to if destroys our own future? what did this young girl girl do to deserve this kind of pain? the man was let free due to lack of evidence and the girl is slowly dying. what kind of justice do children deserve for them to thrive peacefully? what else was she supposed to prove beyond her sickness? i would hate to be part of a tradition that forgets of my child and protects his or her enemy. what future does this traditions promise us? both men and women i ask what arouses you in three year old child or any minor? what perverted minds do we hold? whatever happened to protecting the child be it boy or girl? parents what is greater than that child you carried for nine months and made sure it was warm and secure that now you turn back and protect its aggressor? what have we forgotten? again why should this men be given the chance to breath? do people blindly read the bible or have we become so lenient on this bastards for the sake of bloodline? so the children say, i am a boy i am a girl why is my innocence not so important to you? mother and father why do you look at me and turn back when i need you the most? who will give me justice? am i not human to be protected by the same laws that protect other rights? its a shame to any country that does not cover the nakedness of its children. if you cover your child’s body say yes for the child and its nakedness.
i am not surprised that in the 21st century our houses have become Sodom and Gomorrah. we have forgotten the core values and principles that hold the family together. we are now training our little girls to be super divas and untouchable. our boys the kings of attention and drama. they are no longer responsible men.we have taught them that it is OK for them to run around and have a store full of women. they can refill and replenish the earth with children who have no one to be responsible. they have girls weeping and cursing to their last breaths. we have forgotten the boy child and praised the girl child. we have taught them to be respected and showed love but have forgotten to teach the boy child the same. we have let him wonder alone in the paths of life. but the only brave man is the one who goes beyond his thinking and respects the woman in his life.the one who builds character and not fame. because only character can measure the depth of a man.
how many times do we listen and understand the word sorry? i admit i too hold on to the wrong that was done to me rather than free myself of the torture comes with the holding on. recently i have been following the war trend between Somalia and Kenya and one thing struck my mind. its all about revenge. the alshabaab or alqaeida are getting back at this nation that has for long existed in harmony and peace because a certain tribe was done wrong. i couldn’t help but wonder why? could sorry do the magic does it count anymore? what happened to the coexistence of all people as one? i wish sorry could work and bring meaning to our households and nations.
i never thought i would go this far but i have. people around me never thought i would make it but i did. my dream was to be the best of the best and yes i am beginning to get there. who encouraged me ? a few people did try others held my hand to the very end and are still doing it. any way back to the topic of the day. when do we begin to live? when you were first conceived that’s when you began living a few of us make it at birth and way past to adult hood. but we were all given a chance and an opportunity to be what we want to be. some of us are surrounded by people who are so negative and discouraging. but really do we have to believe what this people tell us? do they have to be the force behind our success or failure? i don’t think so. we were all given a chance to stand up on our feet and make decisions on our own healthy or not. so if you want to be great begin in believing yourself and the world will do so. if you want to get to town from your house you have to make step forward and a few more to get there so is success and all that comes with it. make the first step and spread your wings for the world to see. its all in the mind and the will to give life to your dream.